White Hot Fury
“In
your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold,” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV)
Have
you ever been really angry at God? I have, many times in the past five years. One time was when my husband and I were trying to conceive. We had agreed to wait for a year after we were married, and then try to have children. After two long years filled with tests, I finally conceived and we were rejoicing! Then, “bam, bam, bam”, I had three miscarriages in thirteen months.
God was good to me during my miscarriages. He sent many women into my path who had also miscarried, so I realized I was not alone. During my last miscarriage, God sent my neighbor to visit me in the hospital. She was on shift while I was waiting for my D&C. She talked
with me, and took my mind off of my difficult circumstances.
Another
time I remember being really angry at God was on one of our trips to the mountains.
My husband and I had wanted to get away from doctors’ appointments, daily responsibilities and Ampligen infusions
for a few days. However, I was pretty sick most of the time we were on vacation,
and unable to do much of anything except rest. This was also very disappointing
to me, so I poured out my frustrations and anger to God.
I believe Jesus would rather us be white hot or stone cold than indifferent. In Revelation 3:15, He says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor
hot. I wish you were either one or the other!” When I experienced anger towards God, my “feelings of white hot fury” were far from mediocre. Through
my trials of miscarriage and chronic disease, I have had lots of questions for God, such as, “Why is this happening
to me?” and “Is God still good even though I’m really suffering right now?” My suffering forced me to examine my relationship with God on a closer scale, and I determined that, yes,
God is still good. He’s always good, no matter how bad life here gets.
Are you really angry with God today? Tell Him exactly how you feel. Let it all out. God knows our thoughts and heart anyway (Psalm 139), and He is big enough to handle all of our emotions. Then, leave your anger in God’s Hands, and let Him work things out in His time
(Romans 8:28).
Dear
Jesus: Thank You that we can come to You with our hurts, frustrations and disappointments
in life and leave them in Your Hands!
